Spirit-Formed Men

Building Your Family

2011-09-09T09:45:00.000-04:00

I love to build things. Though I don't get to do it often today, when I do, I love the sense of personal satisfaction I get from the whole process. Years ago, I worked on a home remodeling crew. I used to love being able to walk away from a job site at the end of the day and look back at what we accomplished. At the end of a project, when a job was done well, I loved the sense of accomplishment I had. I liked the finished product. The customer liked the product. The boss liked the product. A triple win.

Psalm 127:1 tells us that when it comes to building our families, the single greatest key to achieving that sense of personal satisfaction that comes from doing a job well is to make sure God is at the center of the project. Every job has a foreman. The foreman makes sure the crew is working together to follow the plans. A good foreman works right along with a crew and doesn't just stand off to the side barking orders.

God wants to be the builder of your family. He wants to build them through you. Here are five ways God wants to build families through dads:

Believe in your family. Our children need dads who believe in them. The faith and vision of a dad to see what a child can become is critical to a child's success. Believing in your kids means you speak blessing over them. Encourage them in their gifts and talents. Believing in them means seeing the potential of the raw material and the purposes of God that have not yet fully materialized into a finished product. A great builder can see past the moment of the mess of building to what is possible.

Understand your children. Every child is unique. Every child has a distinct personality that requires dads to get to know them as they work with their child. Just like there are unique qualities to the building materials in a project, and each material must be handled accordingly, every child is unique and must be handled accordingly. For us to encourage our kids, we have to know what and how THEY are encouraged. Too often we encourage others in the way we like to be encouraged. Learn your child. Learn their love language (read the book, "The Five Love Languages of Children," by Gary Chapman).

Instruct your children. Dads and moms should be the primary instructors of a child's core values and character. Deuteronomy 6:4-9 guides dads in instructing their children. Spiritual formation, character development, and the shaping of your child's character cannot be sub-contracted. Parents are to be the primary builders of a child's character. Your primary tool of instruction is your own life. Children will move toward or be repelled away from being a Christ follower first and foremost by the lives they see lived in dads and moms. Guide them in the learning of Scripture. Make teaching a part of everyday life.

Love your children. The love of a dad for a child is without question among the most powerful forces on earth. When a dad demonstrates the qualities of 1 Corinthians 13 toward his children, a child has a firm foundation to build on the rest of his/her life. In a time when men are often either vilified, dismissed, or demeaned by our media, never underestimate the impact and value you have as a lover of your children.

Discipline your children. Discipline is not about punishment; discipline is about training. As a dad, think of yourself as a coach. When it comes to modern coaches, I can't think of a better teacher/coach than Tony Dungee of the Indianapolis Colts. He instructed and guided his teams to become champions through a strength and quietness of character, not through fear and intimidation. Discipline means having tough discussions. Discipline means helping kids begin early to experience the truth that life has consequences and their choices have consequences for which they must take responsibility. Learn to balance love and discipline, grace and truth.

As you think of your life as a builder, ask yourself, "Who is the foreman of the building project called 'my family?'" How are you doing at building in these five areas? When your life is over, what will God say about your investment in the most precious gift of your life, your children? You can become a great builder. Work at it. Invest in learning how to do it. Invite God into the center of your work.

Praying for God's FAVOR in Your Family

2011-09-06T14:35:00.000-04:00

Praying for my family is something about which I always felt very strongly, but for years lacked a good model to follow.

One day, I was reading Psalm 90 in my devotions and came across a verse that forever changed the way I prayed for my wife and children.

Psalm 90:17 (NIV84)

¹⁷ May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us; establish the work of our hands for us— yes, establish the work of our hands.

"Favor" comes from the Hebrew word, no'am, and expresses the idea of God's kindness or pleasantness. In Psalm 90:17, the psalmist (Moses) appeals to the kindness of God to be upon the people and the work of their hands.

I use this analogy based off of the word FAVOR to structure my prayer life over my family:

F - Faith. Pray for a continued deepening of their knowledge of, relationship with, and love for God. I use Ephesians 1:15-23 to guide my prayers for their faith.
A - Activities. My family has always been extremely active. My kids always seemed to be involved in everything under the sun. Pray Colossians 1:9-11 over the activities your family is involved in.
V - Virtues. Healthy fruit is one of the surest indications that a tree is healthy. Jesus said we would know those who followed him by their fruit. Pray that your family will partner with the work of the Spirit to produce the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23) in their lives.
O - Obstacles. Each member of our families has certain challenges that are unique to them. Character defects, places of spiritual struggle, hurdles in their maturity, and stage of life challenges. Praying specifically toward these challenges is important. One great way to find out what they are: ask them! Pray Ephesians 3:16 over each area of struggle.
R - Relationships. Second only to matters of faith, relationships are vital to the health and well-being of our family members' lives. Pray that God will help each person to have healthy relationship skills. Pray that each will develop strong, positively influencing friendships. Pray that each person will have strong mentors and disciplers in their lives. Romans 12:10, 16 is a good place to start praying for the relationships in your family.

I would encourage you to develop this acronym for each person on a sheet of paper. I use pages from my prayer guide in The Believer's Guide to the Spirit-Formed Life, a devotional resource I developed a number of years ago.

As you begin to pray for these specific areas, don't be surprised to see God begin to go before your family members and make a way for them, making their lives fruitful in every dimension.

The Power of a Few Flakes

2011-07-22T18:23:00.000-04:00

An avalanche is testimony to the power of flakes who come together.

The story of Rehoboam in 1 Kings 12 should remind us that we need to be careful who we listen to. While Proverbs 15:22 tells us that plans succeed in the counsel of many advisors, we need to remember that the advisors need to have a track record of making wise decisions.

Too many men are guilty of Rehoboam's sin: having a course of action already decided and then looking for people who will tell them what they want to hear. Rehoboam was surrounded with men just like him - young, ambitious, addicted and to power, and ready to rule. He ignored the counsel of the men who had served the wisest king in history. He found advisors who told him what he wanted to hear. Israel was torn in two as a result.

When you seek out counsel, remember to find people whose lives reflect the fruit of wise decisions. The purpose of seeking counsel is to gain perspective, insight, and information that you don't currently have. Looking for people who tell you what you want to hear results in the destructive power of flakes who come together.

Living as Free Men, Part 1

2008-05-13T10:19:00.004-04:00

"You are free." How we see ourselves as men is critical to how we live. Throughout our lives, the words and declarations spoken over us by dads, coaches, bosses, spouses, and other significant people largely shape the lives we live.

The other day I noticed something in the creation story of Genesis 2 that I had not noticed before. The first statement God makes to Adam about who he was is a powerful phrase of identity and direction: "You are free to eat from any tree in the garden," (Genesis 2:16). From that moment on, Satan has set about to enslave and entrap men in thought processes, behavioral habits, and relational patterns that can destroy their lives.

The good news is that through the power of the Holy Spirit, men have the promise and power to walk free again. The apostle Paul reaffirms our identity as free men in Christ, "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free," (Galatians 5:1).

What voices form your understanding of who you are? Do you allow the voice of your Heavenly Father to shape your self-perception and life? Or, do we allow the voice of others who tend to echo the desire of the evil one to shape us and enslave us?

Rumble Strips for the Mind

2008-03-05T15:04:00.002-05:00

One of the recent additions to our public safety system in the U.S. has been the use of rumble strips along highways. Rumble strips are designed to keep wandering minds, sleepy bodies, and burger-eating mini-van drivers from driving off the road and hurting themselves or others.

The other day I was thinking, "Wouldn't it be cool if there were rumble strips for your mind?" You know, when your mind starts wandering off the path of God's truth into either lust, greed, revenge, fear, or some other mindset that is contrary to God's plan for us as men, suddenly your head would begin to shake violently to keep you from going any further into destructive thinking.

In some respects, that's exactly what the Holy Spirit does in conjunction with the Word of God to keep our minds where they belong. A man who is sensitive to the direction of the Spirit saying to him, "Hey buddy! Not there! This is not where you want your mind to go," is a man who is keeping in step with the Spirit (Galatians 5:25). When our minds are filled with the truth of God's Word it is much easier for us to recognize when we are heading toward the guard rail.

What are some tools and strategies you have found helpful in keeping your mind set on a path that is lifegiving and not a path that leads to destruction?

The Needs of a New Generation

2008-02-05T15:35:00.000-05:00

During the 1990's, something extraordinary began to happen in the lives of men throughout the United States. From a humble beginning with just a handful of men, a national movement began to transform the lives of men. Through the faithfulness of a handful of visionary men, a ministry emerged that changed the way churches addressed the needs of men's lives.

One of the great lessons that we learned from that time is that God has an extraordinary plan for a man in every dimension of his life. We discovered the power of men in worship together. We explored issues close the hearts of men that we had not openly discussed before. We experienced the encouragement that comes from realizing that we are not alone in the. That was then.

What about today? What is the Holy Spirit doing now to impact the lives of men? What do you sense the Spirit is saying to men about the shape and future of ministry in this new millennium? What should we take from the past on our journey into the future? What might the new face of ministry to men look like in the days ahead? What does a visionary ministry to men look like as we look toward 2015?

Share your thoughts and dreams here about your desire to see a new season of effective ministry to men.

Journeymen of Faith

2007-07-30T12:30:00.000-04:00

Throughout most of my life, my dad was a journeyman toolmaker. I didn't understand what this meant fully until he died. As a journeyman, he was responsible to take apprentice tool and die makers under his wing and help them learn the craft of tool making. At my dad's funeral, among those who came were a handful of his former apprentice toolmakers. Tool and die makers are often a tough lot. Toolmakers are not highly polished, and tend to be a bit rough around the edges. What struck me however was the comment one of them wrote on a memory card provided for those who attended the visitation. On his card he simply wrote these words: "Fred didn't just teach me to be a good toolmaker, he taught me to be a good man." The truth of the matter is that for any man to become the man God envisions him to be, it will take more than a stack of books on men's issues and a Bible. Shaping a man takes another man. Proverbs 27:17 states, "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." Whose life are you shaping today? How will a man's future and the future of his family be eternally changed because of your influence in his life?

The Back Row Dad: How One Man Learned to Become a Godly Dad

2007-06-07T16:04:00.000-04:00

When I first heard about Doug, I was shocked at the story of his life. It's not that I hadn't heard much of it before. Doug was a young dad who had grown up in a busted up home with absolutely no idea of what it looks like to be a godly dad. What amazed me about Doug's story though was how he learned to become a great dad. "Given where you have come from Doug, how could you have possibly learned to do the things you do today with your children?" Doug's answer was a powerful reminder of the impact godly men have on not only their own families, but on the families of those around them as well. "I came and sat in the back of the church and began to watch men with their kids. I watched what they did, and listened to what they said. I sought out dads who looked like they knew what they were doing, and I simply did what they did." If you saw Doug today, you would have no idea that he has come down the path of life that he has walked. No excuses, no whining about what he did or didn't have, Doug simply made a commitment one day to begin learning how to be a godly father. Where did he turn to learn how to be a dad like he never had? Doug turned to the men in his local church. Men, never underestimate the power of your life's witness. Your life is not only impacting generations of your family, your life is impacting the generations of other families as well. This Father's Day, take time to thank a dad who has been a model dad for you in some area. Let him know what you have learned from his life. Bless him for sharing something of himself with you whether or not he ever even knew it.

Knowing God in the Company of Men

2007-04-25T13:45:00.000-04:00

What Do Men Teach Us about God?

As men, we often learn a great deal about life in the company of other men. Some of it is good, some of it is not so good. In the company of men, we have learned to make the perfect cast, throw a curve ball, drive a nail, paint a wall, enjoy a classic story, or appreciate a piece of music. In the company of men, we have also learned how to treat women, how to use power, and how to get what we want.

But, what have we learned about God in the company of men? A great deal has been written in recent years to bring a more holistic view of God in light of the contribution of women. I don’t ask this question to suggest either of the sexes is more or less capable of teaching us about God. The truth is that God’s image is expressed most fully in the relationship of a man and a wife (Genesis 1:26-27). As men and women relate to one another, especially in marriage, the world sees a living reflection of the character of God. Each one makes a unique contribution to God’s self-revelation through the human race.

So, what has been the unique contribution of men to your understanding of God? What positive contributions have other men made to you knowing God? How have the actions and attitudes of men hindered you from having a view of God that is consistent with the Bible’s revelation of God?

Reaching the Next Generation of Men

2007-04-10T13:09:00.000-04:00

1 O my people, hear my teaching;
listen to the words of my mouth.
2 I will open my mouth in parables,
I will utter hidden things, things from of old—
3 what we have heard and known,
what our fathers have told us.
4 We will not hide them from their children;
we will tell the next generation
the praiseworthy deeds of the Lord,
his power, and the wonders he has done.
(Psalm 78:1-4 NIV)

My father was incredible story teller. Throughout my childhood, he made it a point to tell me stories before I would go to bed. He created memorable characters like the adventurous Oolie the Indian, and the mischievous team of Becky and Henry. I can recall many nights with him as we watched the fire burn down in our fireplace and he would take me on Canadian moose hunts. We did all of this and never left the living room.

As great as those stories were however, it was the stories he and my mom would tell me of God's faithfulness to them during the Great Depression and the Second World War that have stuck with me into my adulthood. The memory of these stories caused me to wonder, "What stories have I passed on to my own children of God's faithfulness? How have I placed a hunger in their hearts for a relationship with their Heavenly Father by recounting the Lord's presence in the life of their earthly father?"

On a broader scale, this passage has led me to wonder how the current generation of men's leaders is preparing the young men coming behind us to be the leaders God is calling them to be. The power and influence of the men's movement of the 1990's cannot be understated. Ministries like Promise Keepers and men like Ed Cole launched the current generation of men's leaders into an era of unprecedented fruitfulness in men's ministry. But how will we pass along a passion for God to the next generation of young men?

I encourage you to respond with your thoughts, insights, and experiences as to how you and your men's ministry is reaching back and helping ignite a fire of spiritual passion in the lives of the next generation.

Maiden Voyage

2007-03-24T09:53:00.000-04:00

Welcome to Spirit Formed Men. This site is dedicated to providing a place where men can share their stories, insights, resources, and lessons from their journey of life and faith. From the beginning of time, God has been in the process of forming the lives of men. Genesis 2:7 tells us that our Creator crafted us from the most common element on earth: dirt. From these humble beginnings the Lord formed a being capable of reflecting the nature and character of God to the world.

The pages of Scripture are filled with examples of God’s ongoing work in the lives of men. Each man was unique, and each one faced formational challenges similar in many ways to our own. Jeremiah the prophet witnessed firsthand the work of a potter shaping, crushing, and reshaping a pot that reflected his desires (Jeremiah 18:1-6). Similarly, God shapes, crushes, and reshapes the life of a man to reflect the Father’s expressed purposes for his life.

How many times have we as fathers agonized over our children as we have watched their lives being formed through the consequences of their choices in life? Similarly, the apostle Paul agonized as he witnessed the forming of Christ’s character in the lives of those in whom he had invested his life, (Galatians 4:19).

Where do you see God shaping and forming your life and the lives of men? What are you learning about your heavenly Father from this process? What experiences, relationships, and truths have most shaped your life to this point?